Adoption vs. having your own child...and we hear from Andy

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Adoption vs. having our own child has been the latest topic of conversation between Andy and myself these days. Growing up in another country as a missionary kid I have seen a lot of poverty along with sick hungry children. Most of the time, the community would take care of these children whether they were orphans or not, but in the back of my mind I knew this was not the case everywhere. Even as a child, I wanted to take these children in as my own. (Early maternal instincts I guess.) At some point in my childhood, I made a mental note that I'd like to adopt in the future.

Andy feels the opposite of me. (Go figure!) He brings the conversation down to the gene level. (A typical guy.) He was so kind to write in my blog and give his own view:


*I have a difficult time preparing for kids.  I enjoy the adventure of life and pursuit of my own selfish passions.  Children to me are a burden, who may bring great joy to the lives of people who have them, but at the same time hinder individual pursuit of greatness and self-discovery.  That is where I start the discussion of kids.  

I will start off by saying the American culture of adoption does bring benefit to the lives of individual children who may have been orphaned or inadequately coddled.  However, I get concerned by the unknown nature of adoption.  What about family history?  Why were the parents unable to care for the child?  Why were the parents unable to make good decisions when having this child?  These questions concern me when culturally, dating and marriage are used as tools of societal natural selection.  I have chosen a partner, based on her intelligence, beauty, and success to create a child which should carry the strengths of my partner and I into future generations.  If we choose adoption, then I feel I should have the opportunity in choosing my lineage with the same scrutiny as I have chosen my partner. 

So I did some research. I looked up statistics for adopted children, both from the US and from other countries. The statistics that I found showed that adopted children did just as well in school and social situations as biological children, no matter their background. In quite a few studies they actually did better. So take that Andy! He is still not convinced.

I think when it comes down to it, Andy wants his/our children to have his genes and know that the child actually came from us. To him, that may feel more real. I, on the other hand, am perfectly fine adopting a baby or young child and calling it my own. I don't feel the need to carry the child in my womb for 9 months (giving it my genes) and birth it out to be able to say it is my child. If I can do some good in this world by adopting and giving a clean, healthy, loving home to a child without my genes, then that's what I want to do. (And yes, I know there comes the added work of an adopted child.)

So the discussion will continue... Andy and I aren't ready for children just yet, but the conversations have started. We may talk circles around this forever and never have children because we can't agree, who knows.

What about you? What are your views on adoption vs. having your own child? Or genes? How did you decide?

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